She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
