So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
