I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
