If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
