I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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