How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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