1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize