Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
