it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
