im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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