dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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