I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
