member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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