so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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