If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
