We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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