I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
