ugly people sure do ruin things
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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