Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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