Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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