my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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