hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
