new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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