Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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