i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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