I cannot find my penis.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
