Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Panties = found
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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