Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
