Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
