Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
