I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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