I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize