He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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