North Korea, Best Korea!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
