Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
