a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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