i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
