ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
