i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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