in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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