does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
