idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
