You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
