That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
