Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
