I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
