he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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