you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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