Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
