So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
