I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize