Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
