just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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